I believe all true beauty lives in imperfection.

I am not perfect. Saying that out loud is both terrifying and liberating. I have spent a lot of my life thinking that I am not enough. I have always tried to be perfect.

I was abandoned when I was younger, several times and by several different people. What this caused in me was a fear that everyone in my life would (eventually) leave me. I often spent (and currently spend) much of my time trying to be perfect…for everyone. Being perfect = they won’t leave me.  Over the past year I have gone through a process of figuring out how to turn this fear of being imperfect into something incredibly positive for me.

I have discovered that I am a romantic. For me it isn’t necessarily about the romance we watch between a man and woman, it is about the love affair I have for the world and the people I love who live in it.

I have chosen to make it my mission to make sure that everyone I know and love feels like they are loved, appreciated, and more importantly, that they feel and are “enough” for me (and themselves). When I think of not being enough, it makes me panic. It makes me cry. It makes me vulnerable. I know I am not the only one who goes through this feeling. It is an epidemic in our society, even if you don’t have the fear of abandonment. Up to now it has influenced almost every decision I make in life and how I react to the people around me. I want to live my life in a place where I can use that to influence other people.

So… the question becomes WHY wedding photography?  What better way to achieve my mission than to celebrate the one thing I am fighting for?  I want the world to be a more romantic place. I want my couples to walk away from me knowing that they are “enough” for themselves and the people in their lives. They will love life (and the people in it) a little more. They will love their spouse a little more, and ultimately (and hopefully) be changed by their experience with me.  That’s the goal anyway. The bonus is that I get all of that from them. The amazing people I work with keep me believing that the world is the amazing romantic place that I want it to be. My couples inspire me. Every. Single. Day. By the way you care for each other and me, by your passions and your love for who you are and want to be, your passion for your spouse.  I truly believe I have some of the best people on earth as my clients. You are allowing me to heal my wounds. I thank you for giving me that gift.

I have never been prouder of who I am. I want to go through life knowing that I am “enough”. Now that I clearly know what my mission is I can only get stronger. The most freeing part is that I don’t have to be perfect anymore. I know there will be days I will fail. I am proud of who I am and I must repeat after myself over and over again. “I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.” … and so are you. 🙂

Much Love,

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. – I can never thank my mentor and coach Jeff Jochum and my counselor (who shall remain nameless) for sharing their love and light with me.  I can never fully explain the gift that has been given to me. I look forward to the adventure that lies ahead of me.